pain

I write these words as tear drops fall down my cheek and off the end of my chin. This one drop leaves a line through the makeup I just put on to cover up the pain, the dark circles that seem to consume my life as of lately. I say that Im ok... I say I am getting better... but every time I look into the dull mirror, I see a ghost. I see someone else, I dont see me.

The ghost stares back at me with hateful words, " look at you, you are a joke." "you will never be good enough." "get it together, you look like shit."

My ghost, my haunting, keeps me trapped; eyes glued to the mirror and nothing else.

"how did you get here, emma?" says the ghost.

"I dont know... I wish I knew." I say back to the mirror; longing for some kind of light to appear in my eyes.

"I know..." replies the stranger.

My mind goes blank, my eyes roll and i start to feel light headed.

I woke up on the couch, with a hand in my hand. Your hand in my hand.

today....

I realized something.

Low blows.

Right now, I am a coward not a fighter.

i can see right threw your beautiful eyes.

been a while

it has been a while since i posted anything, but i did yesterday so check it out. I am tired and in a bad mood. so i am going to clean now. WOOOOOO.

it's happening again.

Those feelings I once felt.

The beat of my heart, a little bit louder,

The pieces of me falling to the ground.

It's happening again.

That.

"Oh my god, I am going to be sick to my stomach"

That.

Bring me back to yesterday.

That.

Bring back to life again.

It's happening again.

Again,

Again,

Again......

Not again. Not now.

Not ever, once more.

Over and over and over in my head.

This morning I woke from a bad dream, but i never really woke.

at least i will be asleep

Knock me out for the pain, knock me out for the smell, knock me out till it is all better. I won't wake till it's over. I won't sleep till it's gone. Keep me from thinking these thoughts,  fear hate heartache  At least i will be asleep.

best lines in a book ever.... a dollar for how can guess what it is from

before you, my life was like a moonless night.  Very dark, but there were stars-points of light and reason... And then you shot across the my sky like a meteor.  Suddenly everything was on fire; there was a brilliancy, there was beauty.  when you were gone, when the meteor had fallen ovver the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light.  I couldnt see the stars anymore.  And there was no more reason for anything.